Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I love black thongs
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
