I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
