I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
