When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
