My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
