i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
