And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
