I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This toilet bowl is my home.
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