Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
