He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
