hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
