just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
