no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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