i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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