She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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