Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize