your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just googled if crying burns calories
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
