i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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