Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
