After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
