What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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