Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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