oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
