Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
