3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
