I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
