3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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