At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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