so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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