come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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