there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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