I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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