i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
