You smell like stripper and shame
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
