I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
