Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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