My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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