just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just want nice things and good sex
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
