i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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