I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
