i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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