he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
