...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
