I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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