At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
