she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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