So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
