I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
