I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
