Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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