Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
