apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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