Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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