god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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