i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
