if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
