It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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