i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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