I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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