I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
