my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
