Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
