I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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