The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
