i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
