Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
