And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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